Support for a friend

If a friend, family member or loved one tells you they were sexually assaulted or are in a controlling and abusive relationship, remember that they trusted you enough to share with you. You can start by thanking them for sharing and asking how you can help. It can be difficult to hear this information too and you may have many questions about how to support them.

Confidential advocacy: a safe place to start

Confidential Advocates meet with students who are impacted directly or indirectly by sexual assault, domestic violence, stalking, and sexual harassment. Learning that a friend has been harmed can lead to feelings of anger, confusion, or hurt. An Advocate will meet with you to discuss how to support your friend and take care of yourself in the process.

How to support a friend

It’s not always easy to know what to say or how to support a friend or loved one when they share an experience with relationship violence, sexual assault, sexual harassment or stalking. It can be difficult for a survivor to share their experience. The most important thing that you can do is be a supportive and non-judgmental listener and take care of yourself throughout the process.

1. Believe – When a survivor is believed, they are more likely to continue to seek support.
2. Affirm – Thank them for sharing with you and counter self-internalized blame or shame by responding with care.
3. Support – Let the survivor share the amount of information they want to share and listen without judgment or giving advice.
4. Empower – Empower the survivor to make their own decisions. Survivors may feel like they have no control over the situation or what happens next. Let them know that you support the decisions that they make, whatever they are.
5. Refer – You are not expected to know what to do next so refer them to the Confidential Advocate in the VPA, a Counselor in the Counseling Center or other community resources.

(Adapted from King County Sexual Assault Resource Center)